I thought I would write a little about my personal life, hoping that perhaps my story could help other musicians, artists or producers who are making a comeback from challenging times or circumstances.

For several years I was a successful staff writer for a major label. I have worked with some of the industry’s most prominent artists and have earned one gold and one platinum record. Little did I know that one day would change my whole life.

I was running an errand for one of the marketing guys at the label. It was a nice evening so I decided to walk instead of drive. On my return I noticed that I was feeling a little dizzy and weird. My heart was racing and it seemed as if I couldn’t catch my breath. It seemed to get worse as I walked further. I thought maybe I was coming down with something, but it was also accompanied by an intense fear of impending doom or dread. I decided to catch a bus instead of walk. I got on the bus and made my way to the back. By the time I sat down I was absolutely miserable. Somehow I made it back to my office where I called my wife and told her what was going on. She thought it could have been something I ate.

To make a long story short, I had had my first panic attack. I just thought that maybe it was due to stress. Why not? I was writing and producing on a daily basis. However, the attacks kept recurring and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. I would be driving home and have to pull over and let my wife drive. Many times I thought that something was wrong with my heart or brain. My wife and family were quite supportive, but the more the panic attacks came the more I was afraid of them. I would avoid returning to the same place or direction in which the attacks occurred. Eventually, I was limited to being driven to work and back by my wife. At times I could not get beyond my front door. There were many offers to do business, but I couldn’t attend the meetings because I was so gripped with this fear of leaving my "safe place."

Obviously, this affected my business and social life as well as my family life. Money, houses, friends, apartments and equipment were lost. Yet, I still had the passion to write songs whenever I could. Things had gotten so bad that I was down to a stereo system and one keyboard with which I managed to write a song that later became a major urban hit. I still remember sitting on a lonely motel room bed, writing that song on the broken keys of my old Wurlitzer.

Finally, a therapist who came to see me diagnosed the problem as being "limited agoraphobia." Occasionally, with great difficulty, I could get a few blocks from home accompanied by a "safe person" who at the time was my dear wife.

Presently, I am working with a wonderful therapist and friend who has helped me tremendously. Many of the experiences that were triggering the anxiety have been revealed. I have a wonderful relationship with my family and friends. The fearful limits are fading and the boundaries are widening. Now on the road to recovery, I am working with business associates, producing several artists and have managed to produce and promote my own CD. No I won’t be touring around the globe just yet, but with God’s help and with the help of my family and friends I do look forward to some limited engagements in the near future. In conclusion, if there is a musician, artist, producer, singer or anyone out there with an anxiety disorder or agoraphobia I’m here to let you know there is hope. There are many famous artists and people of recognition who have dealt with this. Check out these links:

http://www.algy.com/anxiety/famous.html
http://www.anxietysecrets.com/celebrities.htm

I would like to express my sincere and unlimited gratitude to the Society of Singers and Music Cares for being supportive and helping me through these difficult times. I would also like to thank CD Baby, CD Street and other similar companies who are helping and truly supporting the "independent artist."